We don’t have a crystal ball to see into our future so we mostly stumble along learning as we go. Refining our needs/wants/desires and shaping what we can of our future.
Music played a huge part in my life most of my life. I sang in variety shows throughout primary and secondary school, worked for a while in government then quit my day job to follow my dream in the music business. For over 30 years I performed as a solo artist and occasionally as a duo, trio, in bands and with other artists in various combinations.
I wrote, recorded & released 8 albums of mostly original songs. I performed my original songs in Helsinki Finland (BPW International World Congress); for our Canadian Olympic athletes (Salt Lake City, UT & Athens, Greece plus the Olympic Torch Relay for the Vancouver Olympics); Pan Am Olympic Torch Relay, VIA rail Artist On Board through western Canada, For HRH Queen Elizabeth II during her ‘walkabout’ (Ottawa ON); for Stephen Lewis (Kingston, ON); Grandmothers to Grandmothers Campaign (Quinte region), and in various cities across Canada.
Then my world crashed when my 23-year-old daughter succumbed to her cancer in 2018. The world stopped spinning and I stopped caring. My life was over and I no longer cared what the future held. I spent the bulk of my days & nights in the darkness of my room, in the deepest despair and depression.
You never get over the loss of your child. You slowly & eventually learn how to cope, how to get through a minute, the hour then the day. You learn how to manage & how not to fall back into that place you hate, that place where pain dwells and overwhelms you.
Slowly, you learn to stand up & stand still, then you put one foot in front of the other and start to move forward. In baby steps, you relearn how to appreciate the simple things – the light, the warmth of the sun, the songs of the birds. You live differently. You live in the now no longer constantly striving for the future nor staying stuck, languishing in the past. Just standing upright is an accomplishment.