7 

A heavenly number so they say.

Well, how very apropos this year so I say.

Sept. Sette. Shichi

No matter how you say it, it’s still hard to fathom that seven years have slipped by.

I suppose it does get easier. In a way. At least you know what to expect when that door opens up once again on “the day” and there it is right in front of your face.  All the raw, devastating, traumatic emotions that you work so hard the rest of the year to keep behind that door. So that you can breathe. Cope. Manage. Move forward again.

Chat GPT Ghibli image

But let’s be honest. It is not easy.  Just because I now “know” what to expect doesn’t mean I want to re-live that pain.  A pain that should never have happened in the first place because your children are NOT SUPPOSED TO PASS AWAY BEFORE YOU.  But you can shout all you want, raise your fist to the wind, cry ugly cries and it won’t change that which cannot be changed.  

So you dive deep knowing you cannot ever understand but you explore within yourself your long-held beliefs that were shattered to their core yet somehow still resonate in a bizarre, inexplicable way.  In a different way. With a different understanding.  A faith still, somehow unshaken.  But re-imagined. Re-configured. Re-created.  

Believing in God or a Greater Power or the Great Divine challenges you to walk the talk.  Do you believe?  Yes this happened. So do you still believe?  What do you believe?  Why do you still believe?  

It’s a deeply personal issue that I would never want anyone to ever have to go through what I went through in order to understand it.  Whatever your beliefs, I hope you are true to them.  Not just in words but in actions. They may not seem to matter when everything is going great but they will be your anchor when everything falls apart.

Here’s to you sweet Kait as you journey onward and forward wherever you are.  I cherish each and every time you find a way to connect and I can feel you near.  My tears are tears of  deep deep sadness, searing pain, missing you madly mixed in with gratitude for having known you, longing to hug you, love eternal and joyful hope of being with you again in the Great Beyond. . 

My energy will know your energy.  In the meantime, my love will continue to intertwine with your love as we both journey onward and forward.