Moving Forward. Not moving on.
It’s time. It’s not something I planned but it’s something that the Universe planned for me.
Photo by Sarah Kirby @2023
Early one morning this past March, I woke up and felt different. Like something had changed. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I just felt..lighter. Like the darkness had lifted. I talked to Kait as I always do and I started to cry. I told her that I was not moving on, I was moving forward. She knew what I meant and I felt that she had been waiting for this self-realization.
When you grieve the loss of someone so precious, there is a guilt component that cannot be explained logically. You feel that if you ever laugh or have fun or joy in your life, then you are somehow betraying them. And I was stuck there for a long time.
Grieving is not linear. It’s not just crying all the time although there is a lot of that in many forms – sobbing, weeping, tearing up – some of it uncontrollable. There is no off-switch once it starts. So you spend a lot of time learning how not to go there. Just avoid it at all costs. Time does NOT heal all wounds. Time teaches you how to cope and how to manage that pain.
Up until that morning, I was not able to hear from anyone that it was “time to move on”. Are you kidding? I will NEVER move on from losing my child.
But I can move forward.
Three days later I got a call from a producer in Prince Edward Island, Canada to perform in a tribute concert to my aunt, Angèle Arsenault, an iconic and award-winning French Acadian artists.
You can read about that in a previous post:
What a joyful experience. I worked with a terrific group of people and we played to an enthusiastic and truly supportive audience
“What a terrific show. You have an incredible voice & a truly beautiful tribute to Angele. I live in Dieppe NB & I can honestly say the drive for this concert was so worth it. Congrats on a great performance.” Gerri L
Encouraged, I went on to do a show in Prince Edward County, Ontario with multi-instrumentalist, Tom Leighton for the Women’s Institute – I even wrote a theme song for them!
I also decided it was time for a photo shoot and hired the fabulous Sarah Kirby to do an autumn shoot and we were lucky to have chosen the right week because the leaves were at their peak!
Photos by Sarah Kirby ©2023
I have more to share about my healing journey “From Shadow To Light Through The Psalms” in November and the upcoming Christmas concert with a Big Band in December called Bellevegas VI – Hip for the Holidays Christmas concert & fundraiser for Gleaners Foodbank & Grace Inn Shelter for men.
That will be for another day. Be blessed.